[ Having negative thought loops isn't something that's unfamiliar to Mondo. He's had it for as long as he can remember, that he can't recall when was the last time he's free of it. Every single moments of happiness will immediately be followed by a strong feeling of dread, that he doesn't deserve it, that he'll lose everything, that it will backfire on him. Fluctuation of emotions is something he's learned to deal with, and it's never had exploded the way it did during what went down with Fujisaki.
So why in the hell, after so long, he's struck by this steaming fury, sorrow, fear ー all kinds of colors of emotions that turn black when mixed ー raring to go and make a riot? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Fujisaki didn't deserve it. Aniki didn't deserve it. They both should've lived, and he was supposed to be the one taking their places. Lia has been avoiding him, and while it made him sad yesterday, it really is for the better ー he doesn't want to do something he'll regret anymore, while he still has his voice of reason.
He's barely grasping on it, it's threatening to slip out of the grip, and as it increases the faster Mondo goes, heading towards the forest without really looking at where he's going. He has to go, far far away from where everyone else is, before anything happens. His speed picks up, and while he's usually alert enough to dodge sudden attacks, he was too preoccupied to reactー ]
Hngk－!!
[ ーand down he falls to his knees. He trembles, but not in pain-- heck, he can barely feel the pain. He's trembling in sheer fury. It's as if out of all the emotions that are taking turns to dominate Mondo, fury wins out with the impact. He looks up, finding Terry standing there, like he's surprised at his own actions.
His body moves faster than his brain can. Before he knows it, he's pulling Terry by his collar, tight enough to choke him. His eyes are bloodshot, staring straight at Terry, so it's not as if he doesn't know who it is, but he grits his teeth and doesn't relent. ]
The fuck you tryinna do? Aah?!? You wanna die?
[ No, no, fuck, this ain't how it's supposed to be, let him go you fucking idiot!! The quiet scream of plead is drowned by the sound of his own palpitation, deafening, numbing. His breathing is ragged, like an agitated wild animal. ]
[ When usually high-strung, Terry's emotions are pretty much at 100% most of the time. However, he has been emotionally distressed before, with his emotions at high peak. This was around when Vassago had gone crazy in town--he can remember the total anguish. But the difference between being emotional then and being emotional now is that he feels that he has even less control of it now, and if his outbursts were 120% before, they sure feel like 200% now. His usual mouth filter (which does all it can, really. promise) is absolutely useless in his current state.
So that's why, in comparison to their first meeting where Terry seemed scared of getting punched in the face, he laughs, even while getting getting glared down with bloodshot eyes, having his airway being pressured, and fully knowing just who exactly is doing this to him--Terry hates it. He hates it so much. It feels like he's emulating his original. The feelings of disgust quickly creep into his heart and evolves into self-loathing, which had never happened before since he always managed to suppress it before it even got that far. ]
You wanna fucking go? Try me.
[ Terry immediately grabs onto Mondo's arm that's holding him by the collar and attempts to pull off something like this because my descriptions can only do so much and he immediately backs away a step or two if he lands it correctly to be freed from his clutches. ]
[ Despite the fury, Terry's reactions catches Mondo by surprise. The laughter, the way he speaks... it's almost like it was someone else that isn't Terry. That slight fluster was enough to get him easily thrown down like a fucking toy, because it's not just about how strong Terry's grip was, it's about the timing. The timing was perfect, and down Mondo goes.
Like a switch that has been flipped, the impact to the ground sets him on fire, and there's no more doubt in his movements when he gets up. It's almost like there's a burning blaze of blue oozing out of him as he steps towards Terry, like he's looking at an opponent, not a friend. ]
Rraaaaahhh!!!
[ He lifts up his fist and launches a punch with his right hand towards Terry's face. Whether that hits or not, he follows it up with a knee to the stomach less than a second after ー for the whole time, never once Mondo's eyes left Terry's. ]
[ Despite Terry's usual stance for violence, once he gets rolling in a fight, he feels his blood boil from excitement. It doesn't help that his emotions are heightened, so it feels like a strange sort of adrenaline high. He can usually stop himself, but no, not this time. Another thing that counts against Terry's self restraint is that he hasn't done this sort of thing in so long, having his Persona to most of the work for him. It feels nice to actually do some sort of fighting himself. His vision sharpens.
Despite looking a little lanky, he catches Mondo's fist quite well with his own hand, and shoves that to the side in an attempt to throw Mondo's balance off because with his knee rising, it would be usually difficult to balance on one foot. The knee to the stomach connects halfway, so his side is starting to hurt from the impact. He backs up some more quickly, since speed is more along the lines of his thing rather than strength, though he's pretty strong anyway even without his demigod enhancements... ]
Is that all you got?! I thought you'd be stronger than that! Those muscles aren't just for show, are they?!
[ Though he doesn't really give Mondo a chance to reply--Terry runs and slides past his side, the leaves on the ground making it easier to do so in the forest, and forces a roundhouse kick to the back while balancing on his hands on the ground. ]
[ He expected a much weaker response, but seeing how well Terry's fighting against him and pushing him back, the fire in him burns brighter, more intensely. He snorts, feeling the pounding of his heartbeat in his fingertips, in his ears and his every being, excitement driving up his brain. ]
You're gonna regret sayin' that!!
[ The kick hits but Mondo's muscles indeed aren't just for shows. He may have lost the balance earlier, but once he regains it, the impact does nothing to him, after all his pain threshold is pretty high and he's fought enough fights to be numb of minor injuries. He hasn't properly fought like this in the longest time, and as much as he wanted to swear off meaningless fights, it's exhilarating. Maybe he's made for this, after all. It's probably the way he's supposed to be, a delinquent who only knows how to crush stronger opponents to get to the top.
He makes use of the seemingly awkward position Terry is in to attempt to kick him down and step on him, subsequently body slamming him on the ground. He's gonna crush him! ]
[ Terry couldn't fully avoid that in time, so he's kicked down and stepped on. It's not really until the damage is received that Terry feels like his fighting instincts are coming down. Demigods were originally created for a purpose in combat, and Terry, despite living in peace for fifteen years and being a botched up clone, is not excluded from that purpose. Despite having mostly human-like physical capabilities, it won't deter him from fighting all out.
He feels the adrenaline kick soaring from within him and he kicks off from a nearby tree to avoid being body slammed on. That's one damage he would like to avoid. He only got out of the hospital a week ago, but luckily, the stitches around his former heart wound haven't undone themselves. He can keep going. He will always keep going. Terry flips over backwards to get in a standing position and attempts to dropkick Mondo while he's still down. ]
[ It's almost like he's lost his sanity. The drop kick hits on a perfect spot where it's supposed to hurt, but he's actually feeling really fuckin' great instead. This is it. This is what he's looking for. He wants more of it.
He attempts to grasp the leg that kicks him, trying to throw Terry off the balance by pulling it.
More.
If it's successful, he'll try to throw in another punch Terry's way.
[ Terry has never had to fight like this against a friend before, a human friend at that. Every time he had to fight like this, he had to do it with murderous intent, though he was never successful in actually killing anyone despite being pretty loose about his murder principles. Even though Mondo is his friend, he's keeping up well, and that only makes him strive to make this fight as exhilarating as he can. He's never needed it, but since the fight is going on, rolling and rolling downhill, he can't stop his desire to fight more himself. he wants to feel it with his bare hands--
Terry's leg is grabbed and he's pulled. He's being thrown to the side, but manages to block the incoming punch by catching his fist. That really stings the palm of his hand, but right now, he doesn't care. He can't care for pain right now. ]
If only you could throw punches like you can throw your words...
[ Terry's really doing a wonderful job provoking him. Like oil on fire, Mondo's whole body heats up, and he tries to jab Terry with heavier punches, combining uppercuts and straight jabs. It might look like randomly thrown with the quantity, but no, it was all by instinct, and while it's not well-calculated, he's letting the feral part of him take over. Left, right, up, down, it's almost like a video game, the way he just throws punches after punches towards Terry, like he's in for the win and sees nothing else. ]
[ Terry gets up straight right after leaving his words of provocation and when Mondo throws his punches, he does his best to dodge them, but with the second to last one, he catches Mondo's fist and shoves it to the side, hopefully tangling that arm with his last punch's projected path and immediately performs a cross counter right at Mondo's head. ]
[ And score! It did hit him right where Terry aimed, prompting Mondo's eyes to spin. He pulls back, just to get himself together, but uses the other leg as an anchor to kick forward as his palm attempts to grasp Terry's face, and if successful, he'll try to shove the guy to the nearest tree. Hard. If missed, he'll attempt to dodge counter attacks, but it might not be hard to knock him down with his head still spinning quite a bit. ]
[ Unfortunately for Terry, Mondo is successful at grabbing his face. When he slams his head to the nearest tree, that... definitely hurts. He bites back a pained scream. Blood is streaming down the back of his head, but Terry's still conscious. His better endurance levels won't let him pass out so easily anymore.
This time, Terry attempts to kick Mondo off by slamming his foot where the solar plexus should be to try and get him off. ]
[ For a flicker of moment, it's almost like Mondo nearly regained his 'sanity' ー his body freezes for a split second when he sees the pain in Terry's face and the dripping blood ー but it goes away the moment his solar plexus is struck. He falls back, coughing. It's so difficult to breathe, and his sight is blocked with black splatters, but he's enraged and that is what keeping him from falling unconscious.
In the state of not being able to think straight, he dives towards Terry, a frail attempt to bring the guy down with him. ]
[ Despite his head bleeding, Terry feels like he can focus even more because of the injury. He can feel his blood trickling down the back of his neck and staining his clothes, but that's absolutely fine. It's only when he reaches critical levels in a serious fight that really starts to show why demigods were labeled as such. Even for a failed clone like Terry, it's more than enough.
Exaggerated emotions typically heighten feelings such as anger, happiness, and fear... but what happens during those moments when you feel dangerously calm that you just feel numb? That's something Terry is experiencing right now--all his emotions plummeting and locked into some form of absolute zero at the cost of heightened self-loathing. Despicable. He feels like he's becoming even more like his original, but he can't stop. He feels like he wants to tear open the flesh cage and set himself free from all this repulsive feeling.
When Mondo attempts to dive at Terry, he quickly bounces off the tree behind him and jumps off another nearby tree to gain some air time and comes back down with an axe kick aimed at the center of Mondo's back. He thankfully knows how to control himself so that he doesn't end up killing a human, but behind the kick is the power of someone that has gone through multiple parkour sessions even while carrying someone. Fortunately, Terry has the limitations of a human, but even so, that has the possibility to cause some real damage.
Hopefully Mondo's thickness can save him this time. ]
[ As been quoted before, a wound on one's back is the shame of a swordsman ー but with how clearly overpowered Mondo is, down he goes easily following the kick. It was much stronger, much deadly than any other attack that Terry has launched on him, and Mondo doesn't get up right away like he did before.
He lies down there, feeling like his back is on fire, but not from anger anymore. It's from pain that begins to spread from one spot to the rest of his body. His muscles strain and his bones screech, he can't move without feeling extreme pain, like his back has been pierced. The anger within him hasn't quite dissipate, but with him realising how much weaker he is against Terry, and with the adrenaline slowly going down, his gears begin to turn and another emotion takes the driver's seat.
He knew it all along ー he already had it proved to himself time and time again, but being forced to face it like this, physically, when it was the only thing he could be proud of... it's devastating. No matter how hard he tries, he will never be the best. He's weak. Even if he tried to avoid thinking about it, the fact stands that he hasn't changed much since Fujisaki's death. All he had been doing was disappointing people, making people cry. He left Ishimaru and Tsumiki behind, and he knew that they didn't want him to leave. He had failed the only few people who needed him, believed in him so earnestly. And now... what has he achieved here, really? Even the Hoshino couple, the closest thing he had to parents had disappeared. ]
Arghhhhhhhhh!!!
[ Mondo wails, pushing himself off the ground, even if it feels like his body's about to break. His negative thought loop that usually has rationality chaining them down has lost control, that it only takes a snap before it goes to the deepest pit of desolation. Fuck this, fuck himself, fuck everything.
He's supposed to be dead. Why is he even still alive? What's the point of living anymore?
It's almost like he's lost the ability to even recognise Terry, blindly trying to attack him with yet another swing of punch. ]
[ Terry easily dodges the punch. It doesn't feel as accurate anymore. The hollow feeling stays inside him and he looks over at Mondo, calmly, as if the Terry everyone knew in town was no longer there, but a rather cold, calculating one had replaced him--using his body and voice--to express what the entity feels. ]
I thought you were tough, Mondo. What's with that punch? Even a kid could dodge that. I never imagined that you'd go down in a single kick.
[ Mondo's screams deafen even his own ears, cracking and peaking on the decibel scale. A punch follows his every scream, he's just wildly boxing now, like something within him just snapped. ]
What the fuck do ya even know?! Someone who ain't even human like ya will never get what it's like!! Gettin' compared, expected, cornered to measure up to what you'll never reach... Forced to carry on burden that ya never even asked for... Havin' to be strong, even if ya feel like yer gonna break...
[ He swings his arm again, but this time he goes for a grab instead of a punch -- attempting to grasp Terry's neck. ]
Everything ya do burns down to ashes! Because no matter what ya do ya fuck it up, ya just hurt people, ya will never get anythin' right!!
[ His volume drops then, breathing ragged. ]
No matter what people say... you're just a fuckin' murderer...
[ Terry was doing a good job at dodging the punches as usual because he can clearly see their projected path, until Mondo goes on about his spiel after his screams. It catches him off guard, allowing his neck to be grabbed. The shock makes his breath hitch and he starts clawing at Mondo's hand.
But right now, he feels a mix of desperation, anger, and sadness, in which anger easily overpowers all those emotions. It has certainly thawed out the absolute zero that emulates his original and he screams: ]
Don't act like you're the only one who feels that way! I had to deal with that shit too! It was painful! It hurt! I hated every single fucking second of it! They all expected me to fill in for a war leader, but I was only ever needed out of necessity, but I was never wanted anywhere!! And so what if you're a murderer--you're still you! Stupid Mondo--get it through your head! I told you before, didn't I?! Life is full of those things--things that you expect and don't see coming!
[ He's really... running out of air at this point. He feels like he would get dizzy if he continued, but his restraints flew out the window somewhere because anger's like "get the fuck out of the way". What's rationality when all you have is anger? ]
No one--is going to be perfect! Everyone fucks up! Some more than others, but that's fine! As long as you--ghh...
[ Okay he's totally out of breath now. He can't say anymore, but he continues to claw at Mondo's hand. ]
[ As Terry continues, Mondo's grip loosens. As if the fog before him had cleared up, his eyes dilate when he sees the red mark on Terry's neck. That was the red mark that he left. He did it again. He could've choked Terry had he gone on. He knew it. He couldn't escape it. He really is a murderer, all along - nothing else, nothing less. His hand shakes, and he steps back. The emotion turmoil within him doesn't quite stabilise, even if his adrenaline has stopped pumping. ]
As long as I what? As long as I try to make up for it? How can I make up for the lives lost, Terry, huh? Tell me. [ His voice trembles, too, lips curving into a smirk though he looks like he's about to break. ] I just choked you, and it could've gone real bad if I didn't stop.
[ And it's Terry, out of all people. If he can do this to Terry, he can do this to anyone. ]
I shouldn'tー I shouldn't haveー
[ He continues stepping back, unable to finish his sentence. He doesn't want to deny the friendships that he has built with the people here, but at this rate, he might do what can't be taken back anymore, just like the time with Fujisaki. He was right - it's bound to happen again, as long as he's alive. ]
[ Terry's brain feels like it's going to explode. All the oxygen comes rushing in like a dehydrated man being dunked into an oasis. Not to mention he already has a head injury, so that doesn't make it any better either. He coughs several times--gags even.
Terry's still pretty angry as he keeps hearing what Mondo has to say, but he doesn't let him finish. He doesn't want Mondo to finish what he's saying. Even through all his head pain, he quickly dives over at Mondo to knock him down and hovers over him. With all those earlier movements, the blood from the back of his head spread a lot, but it's fine. Terry can take it. ]
[ Mondo could've dodged it, but he didn't. He lets Terry knock him down, though he certainly wasn't expecting a slap to his face. The blood drips to his clothes, reminding him again that the choke wasn't the only thing he did to Terry. He just lashed the heck out of his emotions on Terry, for whatever reason. ]
.......
[ He doesn't say a thing, avoiding to look at Terry in the eyes. ]
[ After the slap, Terry grabs Mondo's collar and pulls him up--though thoroughly angry, he makes sure that he doesn't end up choking him. ]
It's not like... you wanted to kill whoever you did, right?! Look at yourself--your regrets are everywhere, they're obvious on your face! You didn't want to kill those people! I bet they were accidents! Sometimes you just can't fucking control yourself, and it happens! Shit happens in life!! I'm not... I'm not going to take back my fucking words, Mondo.
[ His voice is hoarse now. He screamed way too much, way too loud, even as he's still recovering from being choked and having his head bashed into the tree. His anger drops considerably and he looks like he's about to cry. ]
I said I'll always be your friend, no matter what. This doesn't change anything. You can punch me or do whatever. I don't care. At least I can take it. You're probably going to hate every minute of it, asking me why I'm still around you even though you fessed up to being a murderer, but I really...
[ Several tears start dropping from his face. ]
... don't care. You... you're more than just that. Stupid Mondo. I've seen how you're really like. You like cats. You're stupidly good at making stuff with your hands. You didn't leave me alone in the cupboard when you could have. You always liked eating the food I made for you. You wanted a family-like experience. It was... it was great, you know?
[ He lets go of Mondo's collar and now his fingertips are digging into Mondo's chest as he's straddling him over his stomach. He doesn't have the energy to hover above him anymore. Even through the crying, his anger quickly shoots up to 150% again. ]
You're more than just a label that you couldn't help! Wake the fuck up!!
[ Mondo keeps trying not to look at Terry, even when he called what he did 'accidents'. ]
They ain't no accidents... if I controlled myself better it wouldn't have happened. Losin' control don't excuse a thing when lives're lost!!
[ He couldn't look away forever, especially not when he heard Terry's voice starting to crack. And when the tears begin to drop, frustration begins to fill Mondo. Again. He made people he cares for cry again. It's all he does. Why can't he make them smile instead? His existence... will people be miserable as long as he's alive? Questions begin to flash before his mind, until Terry said what he said halted the negative train. It paused, but didn't stop. Because they're now leashed out. ]
Why the hell are you people even tryinna defend me?! After all I did... It don't make sense... [ He bellows, trying all his might to resist the will to shove Terry back. He keeps his hands on the sides of Terry's arms instead, his grips are so tight, that it's even painful for himself. ] God fuckin' dammit!! You're all fuckin' idiots!! Stop tryin' so hard to back me up!! I'm a goddamn murderer, Terry. I killed my brother, and I killed my own classmate. They've got a bright future ahead of 'em!! Why the fuck am I still here?! I'm supposed to die!! I've got nothin'!!
[ His arms hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as his heart does after hearing what Mondo has to say. Terry has always been a selfish sort of person, who usually carried other people to the beat of his own tempo, so he grits his teeth so hard to the point that his jaws hurt. Breathing is still hard, and he ignores the pain in his throat and chest when he takes a deep breath-- ]
Then make your own future! Make your own bright future! Make up a dream! A goal! Anything! You dying won't solve anything! It's not going to bring people back, so live your damn hardest for the people you regret killing then! Live for them! live a good life for them! If that's not enough...
[ Those are the words he's heard, he's listened to, and yet. How can he live a good life for them? That's like spitting on their tombs. He doesn't have the rights to live happily after ending their lives!!
He tries to sit up with Terry still on top of him, the hands on Terry's arms move up to his shoulders, shaking them. ]
Are you fuckin' crazy?! I don't fuckin' deserve a future!! A murderer... a life-ruiner like me don't fuckin' deserve a future!! Much less for ya-- you're everyone's hope!! I can't ruin that... more than I already did.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: dr1 spoiler in thread + morbid thoughts
So why in the hell, after so long, he's struck by this steaming fury, sorrow, fear ー all kinds of colors of emotions that turn black when mixed ー raring to go and make a riot? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Fujisaki didn't deserve it. Aniki didn't deserve it. They both should've lived, and he was supposed to be the one taking their places. Lia has been avoiding him, and while it made him sad yesterday, it really is for the better ー he doesn't want to do something he'll regret anymore, while he still has his voice of reason.
He's barely grasping on it, it's threatening to slip out of the grip, and as it increases the faster Mondo goes, heading towards the forest without really looking at where he's going. He has to go, far far away from where everyone else is, before anything happens. His speed picks up, and while he's usually alert enough to dodge sudden attacks, he was too preoccupied to reactー ]
Hngk－!!
[ ーand down he falls to his knees. He trembles, but not in pain-- heck, he can barely feel the pain. He's trembling in sheer fury. It's as if out of all the emotions that are taking turns to dominate Mondo, fury wins out with the impact. He looks up, finding Terry standing there, like he's surprised at his own actions.
His body moves faster than his brain can. Before he knows it, he's pulling Terry by his collar, tight enough to choke him. His eyes are bloodshot, staring straight at Terry, so it's not as if he doesn't know who it is, but he grits his teeth and doesn't relent. ]
The fuck you tryinna do? Aah?!? You wanna die?
[ No, no, fuck, this ain't how it's supposed to be, let him go you fucking idiot!! The quiet scream of plead is drowned by the sound of his own palpitation, deafening, numbing. His breathing is ragged, like an agitated wild animal. ]
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So that's why, in comparison to their first meeting where Terry seemed scared of getting punched in the face, he laughs, even while getting getting glared down with bloodshot eyes, having his airway being pressured, and fully knowing just who exactly is doing this to him--Terry hates it. He hates it so much. It feels like he's emulating his original. The feelings of disgust quickly creep into his heart and evolves into self-loathing, which had never happened before since he always managed to suppress it before it even got that far. ]
You wanna fucking go? Try me.
[ Terry immediately grabs onto Mondo's arm that's holding him by the collar and attempts to pull off something like this because my descriptions can only do so much and he immediately backs away a step or two if he lands it correctly to be freed from his clutches. ]
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Like a switch that has been flipped, the impact to the ground sets him on fire, and there's no more doubt in his movements when he gets up. It's almost like there's a burning blaze of blue oozing out of him as he steps towards Terry, like he's looking at an opponent, not a friend. ]
Rraaaaahhh!!!
[ He lifts up his fist and launches a punch with his right hand towards Terry's face. Whether that hits or not, he follows it up with a knee to the stomach less than a second after ー for the whole time, never once Mondo's eyes left Terry's. ]
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Despite looking a little lanky, he catches Mondo's fist quite well with his own hand, and shoves that to the side in an attempt to throw Mondo's balance off because with his knee rising, it would be usually difficult to balance on one foot. The knee to the stomach connects halfway, so his side is starting to hurt from the impact. He backs up some more quickly, since speed is more along the lines of his thing rather than strength, though he's pretty strong anyway even without his demigod enhancements... ]
Is that all you got?! I thought you'd be stronger than that! Those muscles aren't just for show, are they?!
[ Though he doesn't really give Mondo a chance to reply--Terry runs and slides past his side, the leaves on the ground making it easier to do so in the forest, and forces a roundhouse kick to the back while balancing on his hands on the ground. ]
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You're gonna regret sayin' that!!
[ The kick hits but Mondo's muscles indeed aren't just for shows. He may have lost the balance earlier, but once he regains it, the impact does nothing to him, after all his pain threshold is pretty high and he's fought enough fights to be numb of minor injuries. He hasn't properly fought like this in the longest time, and as much as he wanted to swear off meaningless fights, it's exhilarating. Maybe he's made for this, after all. It's probably the way he's supposed to be, a delinquent who only knows how to crush stronger opponents to get to the top.
He makes use of the seemingly awkward position Terry is in to attempt to kick him down and step on him, subsequently body slamming him on the ground. He's gonna crush him! ]
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He feels the adrenaline kick soaring from within him and he kicks off from a nearby tree to avoid being body slammed on. That's one damage he would like to avoid. He only got out of the hospital a week ago, but luckily, the stitches around his former heart wound haven't undone themselves. He can keep going. He will always keep going. Terry flips over backwards to get in a standing position and attempts to dropkick Mondo while he's still down. ]
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He attempts to grasp the leg that kicks him, trying to throw Terry off the balance by pulling it.
More.
If it's successful, he'll try to throw in another punch Terry's way.
More. ]
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Terry's leg is grabbed and he's pulled. He's being thrown to the side, but manages to block the incoming punch by catching his fist. That really stings the palm of his hand, but right now, he doesn't care. He can't care for pain right now. ]
If only you could throw punches like you can throw your words...
[ Is that a taunt? Yeah. It is. ]
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[ Terry's really doing a wonderful job provoking him. Like oil on fire, Mondo's whole body heats up, and he tries to jab Terry with heavier punches, combining uppercuts and straight jabs. It might look like randomly thrown with the quantity, but no, it was all by instinct, and while it's not well-calculated, he's letting the feral part of him take over. Left, right, up, down, it's almost like a video game, the way he just throws punches after punches towards Terry, like he's in for the win and sees nothing else. ]
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This time, Terry attempts to kick Mondo off by slamming his foot where the solar plexus should be to try and get him off. ]
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In the state of not being able to think straight, he dives towards Terry, a frail attempt to bring the guy down with him. ]
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Exaggerated emotions typically heighten feelings such as anger, happiness, and fear... but what happens during those moments when you feel dangerously calm that you just feel numb? That's something Terry is experiencing right now--all his emotions plummeting and locked into some form of absolute zero at the cost of heightened self-loathing. Despicable. He feels like he's becoming even more like his original, but he can't stop. He feels like he wants to tear open the flesh cage and set himself free from all this repulsive feeling.
Disgusting.
Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.
His yelling is inaudible--a soundless scream.
When Mondo attempts to dive at Terry, he quickly bounces off the tree behind him and jumps off another nearby tree to gain some air time and comes back down with an axe kick aimed at the center of Mondo's back. He thankfully knows how to control himself so that he doesn't end up killing a human, but behind the kick is the power of someone that has gone through multiple parkour sessions even while carrying someone. Fortunately, Terry has the limitations of a human, but even so, that has the possibility to cause some real damage.
Hopefully Mondo's thickness can save him this time. ]
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He lies down there, feeling like his back is on fire, but not from anger anymore. It's from pain that begins to spread from one spot to the rest of his body. His muscles strain and his bones screech, he can't move without feeling extreme pain, like his back has been pierced. The anger within him hasn't quite dissipate, but with him realising how much weaker he is against Terry, and with the adrenaline slowly going down, his gears begin to turn and another emotion takes the driver's seat.
He knew it all along ー he already had it proved to himself time and time again, but being forced to face it like this, physically, when it was the only thing he could be proud of... it's devastating. No matter how hard he tries, he will never be the best. He's weak. Even if he tried to avoid thinking about it, the fact stands that he hasn't changed much since Fujisaki's death. All he had been doing was disappointing people, making people cry. He left Ishimaru and Tsumiki behind, and he knew that they didn't want him to leave. He had failed the only few people who needed him, believed in him so earnestly. And now... what has he achieved here, really? Even the Hoshino couple, the closest thing he had to parents had disappeared. ]
Arghhhhhhhhh!!!
[ Mondo wails, pushing himself off the ground, even if it feels like his body's about to break. His negative thought loop that usually has rationality chaining them down has lost control, that it only takes a snap before it goes to the deepest pit of desolation. Fuck this, fuck himself, fuck everything.
He's supposed to be dead. Why is he even still alive? What's the point of living anymore?
It's almost like he's lost the ability to even recognise Terry, blindly trying to attack him with yet another swing of punch. ]
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I thought you were tough, Mondo. What's with that punch? Even a kid could dodge that. I never imagined that you'd go down in a single kick.
I guess all humans are fragile, after all...
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[ Mondo's screams deafen even his own ears, cracking and peaking on the decibel scale. A punch follows his every scream, he's just wildly boxing now, like something within him just snapped. ]
What the fuck do ya even know?! Someone who ain't even human like ya will never get what it's like!! Gettin' compared, expected, cornered to measure up to what you'll never reach... Forced to carry on burden that ya never even asked for... Havin' to be strong, even if ya feel like yer gonna break...
[ He swings his arm again, but this time he goes for a grab instead of a punch -- attempting to grasp Terry's neck. ]
Everything ya do burns down to ashes! Because no matter what ya do ya fuck it up, ya just hurt people, ya will never get anythin' right!!
[ His volume drops then, breathing ragged. ]
No matter what people say... you're just a fuckin' murderer...
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But right now, he feels a mix of desperation, anger, and sadness, in which anger easily overpowers all those emotions. It has certainly thawed out the absolute zero that emulates his original and he screams: ]
Don't act like you're the only one who feels that way! I had to deal with that shit too! It was painful! It hurt! I hated every single fucking second of it! They all expected me to fill in for a war leader, but I was only ever needed out of necessity, but I was never wanted anywhere!! And so what if you're a murderer--you're still you! Stupid Mondo--get it through your head! I told you before, didn't I?! Life is full of those things--things that you expect and don't see coming!
[ He's really... running out of air at this point. He feels like he would get dizzy if he continued, but his restraints flew out the window somewhere because anger's like "get the fuck out of the way". What's rationality when all you have is anger? ]
No one--is going to be perfect! Everyone fucks up! Some more than others, but that's fine! As long as you--ghh...
[ Okay he's totally out of breath now. He can't say anymore, but he continues to claw at Mondo's hand. ]
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As long as I what? As long as I try to make up for it? How can I make up for the lives lost, Terry, huh? Tell me. [ His voice trembles, too, lips curving into a smirk though he looks like he's about to break. ] I just choked you, and it could've gone real bad if I didn't stop.
[ And it's Terry, out of all people. If he can do this to Terry, he can do this to anyone. ]
I shouldn'tー I shouldn't haveー
[ He continues stepping back, unable to finish his sentence. He doesn't want to deny the friendships that he has built with the people here, but at this rate, he might do what can't be taken back anymore, just like the time with Fujisaki. He was right - it's bound to happen again, as long as he's alive. ]
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Terry's still pretty angry as he keeps hearing what Mondo has to say, but he doesn't let him finish. He doesn't want Mondo to finish what he's saying. Even through all his head pain, he quickly dives over at Mondo to knock him down and hovers over him. With all those earlier movements, the blood from the back of his head spread a lot, but it's fine. Terry can take it. ]
SNAP OUT OF IT!!
[ That is a loud slap across Mondo's face. ]
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.......
[ He doesn't say a thing, avoiding to look at Terry in the eyes. ]
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It's not like... you wanted to kill whoever you did, right?! Look at yourself--your regrets are everywhere, they're obvious on your face! You didn't want to kill those people! I bet they were accidents! Sometimes you just can't fucking control yourself, and it happens! Shit happens in life!! I'm not... I'm not going to take back my fucking words, Mondo.
[ His voice is hoarse now. He screamed way too much, way too loud, even as he's still recovering from being choked and having his head bashed into the tree. His anger drops considerably and he looks like he's about to cry. ]
I said I'll always be your friend, no matter what. This doesn't change anything. You can punch me or do whatever. I don't care. At least I can take it. You're probably going to hate every minute of it, asking me why I'm still around you even though you fessed up to being a murderer, but I really...
[ Several tears start dropping from his face. ]
... don't care. You... you're more than just that. Stupid Mondo. I've seen how you're really like. You like cats. You're stupidly good at making stuff with your hands. You didn't leave me alone in the cupboard when you could have. You always liked eating the food I made for you. You wanted a family-like experience. It was... it was great, you know?
[ He lets go of Mondo's collar and now his fingertips are digging into Mondo's chest as he's straddling him over his stomach. He doesn't have the energy to hover above him anymore. Even through the crying, his anger quickly shoots up to 150% again. ]
You're more than just a label that you couldn't help! Wake the fuck up!!
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They ain't no accidents... if I controlled myself better it wouldn't have happened. Losin' control don't excuse a thing when lives're lost!!
[ He couldn't look away forever, especially not when he heard Terry's voice starting to crack. And when the tears begin to drop, frustration begins to fill Mondo. Again. He made people he cares for cry again. It's all he does. Why can't he make them smile instead? His existence... will people be miserable as long as he's alive? Questions begin to flash before his mind, until Terry said what he said halted the negative train. It paused, but didn't stop. Because they're now leashed out. ]
Why the hell are you people even tryinna defend me?! After all I did... It don't make sense... [ He bellows, trying all his might to resist the will to shove Terry back. He keeps his hands on the sides of Terry's arms instead, his grips are so tight, that it's even painful for himself. ] God fuckin' dammit!! You're all fuckin' idiots!! Stop tryin' so hard to back me up!! I'm a goddamn murderer, Terry. I killed my brother, and I killed my own classmate. They've got a bright future ahead of 'em!! Why the fuck am I still here?! I'm supposed to die!! I've got nothin'!!
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Then make your own future! Make your own bright future! Make up a dream! A goal! Anything! You dying won't solve anything! It's not going to bring people back, so live your damn hardest for the people you regret killing then! Live for them! live a good life for them! If that's not enough...
THEN LIVE FOR ME!!
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He tries to sit up with Terry still on top of him, the hands on Terry's arms move up to his shoulders, shaking them. ]
Are you fuckin' crazy?! I don't fuckin' deserve a future!! A murderer... a life-ruiner like me don't fuckin' deserve a future!! Much less for ya-- you're everyone's hope!! I can't ruin that... more than I already did.
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