It felt like if he lets his guard down even just for a split second, he'll lose control of himself and repeat the same mistake again. Fujisaki was a good person, but let's face it ー he wasn't someone Mondo treasured the way he does Rei. Mondo wouldn't have known what to do with himself if the same thing happens to Rei, and if he loses her.
He looks towards the door and is about to run out of there when Rei grips his hand. His eyes dilate as he fights the urge to pry her hands off. When his eyes meet hers, he can see it ー what he admires about Rei: her courage. Her strength. It would be really easy for someone like Mondo to hurt her, but she has her trust on him ー she doesn't budge, nor worry for her own safety.
And yet, here he is, knees buckling from fear, down to the ground. The entirety of his back screams at the sudden strain he puts on it, but he can barely feel it when the tormenting pain in his heart is threatening to choke him. Tears begin to form in his eyes, and he hates it. He doesn't want Rei to see him like this.
Fuck! Fuck this!! Goddammit!! His fist balls, knuckles scratching against the ground. He's on all fours, head dropping so she won't see his tears, but it's obvious what's dropping on the ground isn't sweat. The tears won't stop, and he grits his teeth so hard it's audible. ]
Rei...
[ It's probably so fucking selfish to wish for this but he doesn't want to lose anyone dear to him anymore. He'd rather get tortured to death than having to lose anyone again. He'll do anything, everything, even if it means to leave everything behind if he can keep them safe. ]
[ she doesn't expect him to fall to his hands and knees like that. her hands come off when he drops and she stands there frozen for a second, trying to process everything. she's never seen mo-chan in such a vulnerable state before. she doesn't understand what's going on, but she kneels down next to him. she's about to put out a hand to place on his back, unknowing that it's hurt, when he says something that confuses her. ]
A murderer?
[ mo-chan is... a murderer...? ]
What do you mean?
[ well, that can't be true. he's a big friendly giant. he's like shin-chan and kanji-kun. just like them, he can't hurt anyone... the audience laughs in shinjiro's direction. ]
[ Rei will probably be scared of him, or even leave him if he says it. But she needs to know. She has to know, how dangerous he can be, how easily it is for him to lose control and hurt her. His entire body shakes, together with his voice. ]
I... I killed my classmate.
[ His fists ball on the ground. ]
...I was... I was jealous of the strength Fujisaki showed-- and I...
[ He can't-- his voice trails off as he groans, tears pooling under him. ]
[ i hope mondo can kill my mobile just like he killed chihiro because it never sent this tag and i hate everything!!!!! ]
[ rei stays kneeled down next to mondo, completely unsure what to do. he's crying and he's saying that he killed someone, but she can't imagine that kind and sweet mo-chan could do something as bad as murdering a person. ]
I don't understand...
[ she says softly, but she speaks a bit louder as she finally moves that hand on his back. ]
But I know that you're a good person, Mo-chan. You wouldn't hurt anyone if you didn't have a good reason or if something forced you to. I'm sure it was just like what happened with T-chan!
[ He turns to look at Rei, eyebrows scrunched. Apart from tears, anger can be seen clearly in his eyes, but it's not one directed to Rei. At least, he didn't mean to, initially. ]
Ya don't understand, Rei. I killed Fujisaki because I was jealous. I couldn't control my anger, I couldn't control my own emotions and I just did it. There ain't no reason. I just did it.
[ He sees the need to emphasise that. Even if he didn't intend to kill Fujisaki, he did. It was done by his own hands, and that's what all it is. ]
That's right-- 's just like what happened with Terry!! [ His voice raises then, like his anger suddenly peaks. ] I just kept punchin' and fightin' him, even if it could've hurt him bad!! Even if... even if he's a friend...
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no subject
He's afraid. He's so fucking afraid.
It felt like if he lets his guard down even just for a split second, he'll lose control of himself and repeat the same mistake again. Fujisaki was a good person, but let's face it ー he wasn't someone Mondo treasured the way he does Rei. Mondo wouldn't have known what to do with himself if the same thing happens to Rei, and if he loses her.
He looks towards the door and is about to run out of there when Rei grips his hand. His eyes dilate as he fights the urge to pry her hands off. When his eyes meet hers, he can see it ー what he admires about Rei: her courage. Her strength. It would be really easy for someone like Mondo to hurt her, but she has her trust on him ー she doesn't budge, nor worry for her own safety.
And yet, here he is, knees buckling from fear, down to the ground. The entirety of his back screams at the sudden strain he puts on it, but he can barely feel it when the tormenting pain in his heart is threatening to choke him. Tears begin to form in his eyes, and he hates it. He doesn't want Rei to see him like this.
Fuck! Fuck this!! Goddammit!! His fist balls, knuckles scratching against the ground. He's on all fours, head dropping so she won't see his tears, but it's obvious what's dropping on the ground isn't sweat. The tears won't stop, and he grits his teeth so hard it's audible. ]
Rei...
[ It's probably so fucking selfish to wish for this but he doesn't want to lose anyone dear to him anymore. He'd rather get tortured to death than having to lose anyone again. He'll do anything, everything, even if it means to leave everything behind if he can keep them safe. ]
Don't get close to me. I'm a murderer.
no subject
A murderer?
[ mo-chan is... a murderer...? ]
What do you mean?
[ well, that can't be true. he's a big friendly giant. he's like shin-chan and kanji-kun. just like them, he can't hurt anyone... the audience laughs in shinjiro's direction. ]
no subject
I... I killed my classmate.
[ His fists ball on the ground. ]
...I was... I was jealous of the strength Fujisaki showed-- and I...
[ He can't-- his voice trails off as he groans, tears pooling under him. ]
no subject
[ rei stays kneeled down next to mondo, completely unsure what to do. he's crying and he's saying that he killed someone, but she can't imagine that kind and sweet mo-chan could do something as bad as murdering a person. ]
I don't understand...
[ she says softly, but she speaks a bit louder as she finally moves that hand on his back. ]
But I know that you're a good person, Mo-chan. You wouldn't hurt anyone if you didn't have a good reason or if something forced you to. I'm sure it was just like what happened with T-chan!
no subject
[ He turns to look at Rei, eyebrows scrunched. Apart from tears, anger can be seen clearly in his eyes, but it's not one directed to Rei. At least, he didn't mean to, initially. ]
Ya don't understand, Rei. I killed Fujisaki because I was jealous. I couldn't control my anger, I couldn't control my own emotions and I just did it. There ain't no reason. I just did it.
[ He sees the need to emphasise that. Even if he didn't intend to kill Fujisaki, he did. It was done by his own hands, and that's what all it is. ]
That's right-- 's just like what happened with Terry!! [ His voice raises then, like his anger suddenly peaks. ] I just kept punchin' and fightin' him, even if it could've hurt him bad!! Even if... even if he's a friend...
[ He looks at his bleeding hands. ]
I don't wanna hurt ya, Rei...